Healthy self-esteem means a child feels accepted and believes they can handle challenges. It is not the same as feeling perfect or always winning, and it grows from experience, not only from praise.
Signs of low self-esteem
Harsh self-talk, such as "I'm dumb" or "I can't do anything right"
Giving up quickly or avoiding new things for fear of failing
Being very upset by small mistakes or criticism
Needing constant reassurance
Comparing themselves negatively with others
Withdrawing from friends or activities
Low self-esteem can go along with anxiety, depression, learning difficulties or bullying, so it is worth looking for underlying causes.
What builds self-esteem
Unconditional warmth. Children need to know they are loved for who they are, not for their grades or performance.
Praise effort and strategies, not only results or fixed traits. "You kept trying different ways to solve it" helps more than "You're so smart".
Let them do things themselves. Age-appropriate chores and responsibilities show children they are capable.
Allow safe struggle. Stepping in too quickly can send the message that a child cannot cope. Offer support, then let them try.
Treat mistakes as part of learning, including your own.
Help them find strengths through activities they enjoy, whether sports, music, art, building, animals or helping others.
Spend one-on-one time doing something your child chooses.
Watch the words
Children often absorb the way adults talk about them and about themselves. Try to criticize behavior rather than the child ("That was unkind" rather than "You're mean"), and avoid comparing siblings. Notice your own self-criticism about looks or ability, which children may copy.
When to get help
If negative feelings about themselves are constant, keep your child from trying things or making friends, or come with sadness, anxiety or talk of self-harm, talk to your pediatrician or a mental health professional. Therapy can help children change harsh self-talk and build confidence.
How to Talk With Your Child About FeelingsPractical ways to help children name and manage emotions, listen so they keep talking, and handle difficult conversations at each age.
Bullying and Cyberbullying: Helping Your ChildSigns a child may be bullied, how to respond and work with the school, cyberbullying, and what to do if your child is the one bullying others.
Depression in Children and TeenagersHow depression looks different in children and teens, warning signs parents can notice, how it is treated, and how to support a child at home.
This guide is general information, not medical or psychological advice. For questions about your child, talk with a pediatrician or a licensed mental health professional. In a crisis in the US, call or text 988 or call 911; elsewhere, call your local emergency number.