Separation and divorce change a child's world. Many children adjust well over time, and how parents handle the change has a large effect on how children cope.
Telling your children
If possible, tell them together, and before one parent moves out.
Keep the explanation simple and honest, without blame or adult details.
Make clear that the decision is final and that it is not their fault.
Tell them what will change and what will stay the same: school, friends, pets, routines.
Let them know that both parents will keep loving and caring for them.
Common reactions
Younger children may become clingy, have trouble sleeping, or return to younger behaviors. School-age children may feel sad, angry or torn between parents, and may hope their parents will get back together. Teenagers may be angry, withdraw, or worry about the future. Changes in mood, behavior or schoolwork in the months after a separation are common.
Protecting children from conflict
Ongoing conflict between parents is one of the strongest predictors of how children fare after divorce. Things that help:
Do not argue in front of the children, or through them.
Do not ask children to carry messages, keep secrets or report on the other parent.
Do not criticize the other parent to the children.
Keep handovers calm and brief.
Agree on similar rules and routines in both homes where you can.
Support your children's relationship with the other parent, unless there are safety concerns.
Helping your child day to day
Keep routines as predictable as possible, with a clear schedule of time in each home.
Give children a chance to talk about their feelings, and accept mixed feelings, including anger.
Consider a counselor or therapist if your child's distress is severe or lasts many months, if they are struggling at school or with friends, if they show signs of depression or anxiety, or if parental conflict remains high. Many communities offer co-parenting classes, and some courts require them. Family therapy or individual therapy can give children a neutral place to talk.
How to Talk With Your Child About FeelingsPractical ways to help children name and manage emotions, listen so they keep talking, and handle difficult conversations at each age.
Looking After Yourself as a ParentWhy parents' wellbeing affects children, signs of parental burnout, practical ways to manage stress, and when to get help for yourself.
Family Therapy: What to ExpectWhat family therapy is, when it can help, who attends, what happens in sessions, and how to prepare your family for the first appointment.
This guide is general information, not medical or psychological advice. For questions about your child, talk with a pediatrician or a licensed mental health professional. In a crisis in the US, call or text 988 or call 911; elsewhere, call your local emergency number.